IN THE BEGINNING THERE WERE COLONS

'''Yu-Gi-Oh! The Extended Edition: IN THE BEGINNING THERE WERE COLONS''', formerly known as simply Yu-Gi-Oh!, is the first fanfiction in the Yu-Gi-Oh! The Extended Edition series.

On December 3rd, 2018, IN THE BEGINNING THERE WERE COLONS was removed from tumblr, pending tumblr's new rule on adult content. The Millennium Handcuffs was also removed at this time.

Development and Writing
IN THE BEGINNING THERE WERE COLONS was written by Joanne on February 19th, 2015. Unlike the other fanfiction in the series, it was written almost entirely as a comedy with no serious 'plot' in play; the story shown was created as it was typed.

The fanfiction was originally supposed to dovetail into a massive NSFW massacre of characters, but it ultimately did not do this; half due to the Yu-Gi-Oh! cast being underage, and half due to the Other Author's flashbacks of Joanne's last work.

In addition to its lighter tone, IN THE BEGINNING THERE WERE COLONS also featured numerous grammatical errors that are rarely present in other stories. These are mainly references to Hans von Hotzel, one of Joanne's writing inspirations.

IN THE BEGINNING THERE WERE COLONS is one of the few fanfictions in the series not to feature multiple characters from other series; Jaden has a minor role, and Yusei cameos, but otherwise, the characters are exclusively from the first series.

Plot
The story begins with Yugi Muto, Tristan Taylor, Tea Gardner, and Joey Wheeler spending the day at a pizzeria, when Seto Kaiba leaps out from a dark corner. Joey attempts to counter by throwing a pizza at Kaiba, but misses; however, the pizza lands in front of Kaiba, and when he takes a step forward, he trips and hits his head. This gives him brain trauma, which results in his entire head swelling up and causes him to revert to an infantile state.

Yugi transforms into Yami Yugi, referred to in this story as Joe, and states they must adopt Kaiba and care for him. At this moment, Mokuba Kaiba jumps out, and upon seeing his brother's condition, suggests taking him to a doctor. Joe disagrees, stating that love and friendship are the only cures that Kaiba needs. It is revealed at this time that Tristan is also not a human: he is merely a black hole.

After transforming back into himself, Yugi notes that he feels weird, and Joey points out that Joe has a ghost phallus in Yugi's pants. As the ghost dick somehow undoes Yugi's pants, his friends flee, leaving him to his fate. Joey and Tea then decide to see Ryou Bakura.

Bakura is shown to be homeless, living in a box on the street, with a legion of fangirls always ready to throw money and sympathy at him. As Joey attempts to get Bakura to help them with Kaiba's condition, he transforms into Yami Bakura, who curses Joey out and flips him off. Enraged, Joey kicks over Bakura's box home, just as Yami Bakura reverts to the original, causing his glass bones and paper skin to shatter and his fangirls to attack Joey and Tea with garbage.

Tea, having taken on a motherly role to Kaiba, insists that Joey could be his parent too, if he truly wanted. Disgusted, Joey rushes back to the pizzeria, finding Yugi crying. He attempts to cheer him up, but this fails when Joe resumes control of Yugi's body and banishes Joey to the Shadow Realm. It is then revealed that Joe wishes to kill Yugi's friends, and that he fully intends to do so while Yugi must helplessly watch.

Elsewhere, Mokuba is searching for Tea and Kaiba, only to find that Tea has dressed Kaiba as a girl and is wheeling him around in a baby carriage. Tea asks if Mokuba has seen Joey, only for the latter to answer no, before deciding to take a stroll with her.

In the Shadow Realm, Joey is shocked to discover Jaden Yuki, who has been rapidly aged up as a result of staying in the Shadow Realm for too long. Much to Joey's frustration, Jaden does not know a way out.

Back with Mokuba and Tea, the two encounter Serenity Wheeler, who has a salad that she wishes to share with them. After giving Tea a hug (which inexplicably causes 'homo' to land on the salad), the three set out for a picnic, only for Marik Ishtar to interrupt and eat the salad.

After a trippy acid sequence, Marik literally pukes up Yami Marik due to the love rushing his system, "for he no longer felt any association to him. He was a peaceful man who was gonna go hug trees." However, this leads to Yami Marik running loose, much to Tea, Serenity, and Mokuba's horror. The three begin to calculate a plan to capture him, which requires them to find Yugi. While they do this, Yami Marik declares that he is going to 'fuck bitches', and heads out in search of them.

Marik, meanwhile, encounters Bakura, and gives him a dime he so desperately wanted. Unfortunately, Yami Bakura comes out again, and curses at Marik, single-handily breaking his newfound peace.

On the other side of town, Joe enters Yugi's Grandpa's game store, where he proceeds to MIND CRUSH him and steal several of his rare children's card game cards, asserting that he is Atem (though the author continues to call him Joe) now, and that Yugi is gone.

Back in the Shadow Realm, Joey challenges Jaden to a children's card game, believing that this may be the key to getting the two of them out of there. Unfortunately, Jaden's cards have disintegrated to ashes, leaving Joey to do nothing but scream. Thankfully (or not), however, Maximillion Pegasus falls into the Shadow Realm, revealing to the two proswagonists that Joe tore his Millennium Eye out of his head.

While Joey wonders how they will stop Joe (as killing him would also kill Yugi), Pegasus reveals he knows the way out, but that it can only be reached by grabbing his hands. Jaden eagerly accepts, but Joey does not, only to nearly be left in the Shadow Realm as Pegasus flies out.

Tea, Serenity, and Mokuba, meanwhile, are hiding in a children's house, trying to plan and avoid encountering Yami Marik. However, the girls instantly shove the responsibility of planning onto Mokuba, much to his aggravation. Thankfully, Joey, Pegasus, and Jaden enter the house just then, to assist in the planning.

After revealing Yugi's insanity to the girls and Mokuba, Joey states that they will begin planning, only to be interrupted by Marik, who is heartbroken following his encounter with Yami Bakura. He demands to be let in on the plan, much to Joey's irritation. After assigning code names and Monopoly pieces, Joey devises a plan to have the gang split up to deal with the Yamis; Joey, Mokuba, and Pegasus will deal with Marik; Tea will deal with Joe, and Serenity, Jaden, and Marik will go and kick Bakura's box a second time.

After getting that stupid smiley drawn on their hands, the original proswagonist group leaves to set their plan into action. Joey, Mokuba, and Pegasus encounter Yami Marik at McDonalds, where he has been soliciting sex utilizing chicken nuggets. Joey challenges Yami Marik to a duel, wherein he is nearly defeated before summoning The Left Leg of the Forbidden One and defeating Yami Marik, resulting in him being sent to the Shadow Realm.

Joe, meanwhile, encounters Mai Valentine and Bandit Keith. After banishing Mai to the Shadow Realm, he challenges Keith to a duel, and engages in a battle in which Joe summons five Blue-Eyes White Dragons, as well as Dark Magician. The duel ends with Joe's Millennium Puzzle allowing him to steal Keith's deck, and before he sends the American to the Shadow Realm, he demands to know Yugi's friend's whereabouts. Despite Keith's insistence that he knows nothing, Joe throws him into the Shadow Realm anyway, and steals his bandanna for extra measure.

After this encounter, Tea successfully catches up to Joe, and starts a duel with him. She is easily defeated by Joe, even after playing a card Yugi had left her, Kuriboh. She is then banished to the Shadow Realm, allowing Joe to take Kaiba hostage.

While this is happening, Serenity, Marik, and Jaden find Bakura, who is telling the sob story of his glass bones and paper skin. Marik responded by kicking him, causing Yami Bakura to manifest himself. Marik challenges him to a duel, but discovers he did not bring his cards as Yami Bakura summons twenty-five Obsidian Dragons. The subsequent attack kills Marik, allowing Yami Bakura to take the Millennium Rod as Serenity and Jaden flee. Joe then walks up, demanding the Millennium Ring and Millennium Rod. After Yami Bakura refuses to hand them over, Joe then suggests a team up instead, which Yami Bakura accepts.

It is revealed that Yami Bakura was, at one point in time, in possession of the Millennium Key, Scales, and Necklace; however, he pawned them for cash. Joe, angered, takes the Ring and begins a search for the Millennium Items.

The protagonists are dismayed to discover that they have lost three of their own, and Jaden suggests fleeing the country, to which Joey refuses. Mokuba reveals that he has an idea; spamming the most powerful monsters that the group has in an attempt to defeat the Yamis. The proswagonists agree, and quickly head off to Yugi's Grandpa's game store, only to find him dead from MIND CRUSHING. Taking what remains of his inventory, as Joe had stolen almost everything, the group are able to retrieve Winged Kuriboh and Slifer the Sky Dragon.

Believing Slifer to be useless, Serenity quickly picks a new card; the legendary Frog the Jam. As Pegasus attempts to point out their terrible lapse into stupidity, he is MIND CRUSHED by Joe, who has returned with Yami Bakura to kill the protagonists. Using their cards, the protagonists form a gigantic mecha out of their monsters; Joe and Yami Bakura follow suit.

The two giant robots do battle in the city, killing Marik (who was not actually dead, having merely fled from Yami Bakura earlier) and causing over $2.5 billion in property damage. Just as all seems lost for the protagonists, Tristan reappears, sucking everything in the city into himself, because he is a black hole.

The Yamis counter by opening up the Shadow Realm, sucking Tristan inside. Appearing to Joey in one of his rare humanoid appearances, Tristan urges him to use his "heart of the card sense" before he is pulled into the Shadow Realm. Unfortunately, the protagonist mech is destroyed by the Yamis, though everyone is able to escape safely.

Joey calls on Exodia for help, and in a complete bullshit moment, is actually able to pull Exodia together. This does not last long, as the Yamibot steps on and destroys him, much to the protagonist's horror. This also allows Joe to steal the cards, essentially guaranteeing him world domination. Joe attempts to kill Joey, despite Yugi's protests, only for Serenity to sacrifice herself for her brother. Before Joey and Mokuba (who is still present) can be killed, Jaden returns and grabs both of them, fleeing the scene.

The group arrives in Kaiba's jail cell, a princess baby room, before the Yamibot tears the roof off. Jaden argues that he can show Joe that duelists are good, and that he only needs one person to do this; if Joe disagrees, the protagonists will allow him to kill them all and destroy the world. Joe agrees to this bullshit, and the group goes and finds Rex Raptor, who duels (and easily destroys) Joey.

Joe at first seems poised to destroy the world, before Kuriboh appears and tries to change his mind itself. This causes Joe to have a flashback to Ancient Egypt. This seems to thaw his heart, and he releases Yami Marik, Tea, Mai, Keith, Tristan, and Serenity from the Shadow Realm before leaving, only offering a note apologizing for Kaiba's state. It is then revealed that Joe jumped off a cliff and into the ocean.

In an epilogue, it is revealed that Joey took over the Game Store, beginning an off-on relationship with Mai. Jaden had passed on to the afterlife, dooming the timeline. Tea married Tristan, and formally adopted both Kaiba and Mokuba. Bakura got perhaps the best ending; striking oil under his box house, in addition to inheriting Duel Monsters. The story ends with Tea, Joey, and Tristan laughing, as the narration states that Yugi is always with them in the form of a Kuriboh card hung on the ceiling.

Continuity

 * This story takes place during Timeline 1.
 * Jaden Yuki dies after spending too long in the Shadow Realm. This results in the events of Syrus of Necromancy a few days later (before the epilogue).
 * The giant card mechs reappear in Crossover Chaos, though they are different from the ones shown here. In addition, Bastion features several GX protagonists forming a giant card mech.
 * According to the Author, this story takes place at the same time as the beginning portion of 5D's.

First Appearances
This fanfic marks the first appearances of:

Human characters: Duel Monsters:
 * Yugi Muto
 * Solomon Muto
 * Yami Yugi
 * Joey Wheeler
 * Serenity Wheeler
 * Tristan Taylor
 * Tea Gardner
 * Seto Kaiba
 * Mokuba Kaiba
 * Maxillion Pegasus
 * Ryou Bakura
 * Yami Bakura
 * Marik Ishtar
 * Yami Marik
 * Mai Valentine
 * Bandit Keith
 * Jaden Yuki
 * Yusei Fudo
 * Dark Magician
 * Blue-Eyes White Dragon
 * Exodia the Forbidden One
 * Frog the Jam
 * Slifer the Sky Dragon
 * Kuriboh
 * Winged Kuriboh
 * Obsidian Dragon

Trivia

 * Yami Yugi is referred to as Joe in this fanfic only.
 * This fanfic marked Pegasus' only appearance. Everyone else has appeared elsewhere, or has a confirmed upcoming appearance. According to the Author, Pegasus appearing again is "unlikely".
 * This fanfic is essentially the catalyst for every fanfic afterwords and the roleplays, due to Jaden's death directly causing Syrus of Necromancy.
 * All of the monsters, except Exodia, Slifer, Dark Magician, Frog the Jam, the two Kuribohs, and the Blue-Eyes, were cards the Author actually owned at the time.
 * This is the only appearance of the Millennium Eye and Necklace. The Scales and Key reappeared in a fight scene in the roleplay.